#4. Know What Children Really Need
Children need CONNECTED ATTUNED PRESENCE.
They need you to be PRESENT to them, which means paying close to attention to them, imagining and feeling into what they are experiencing. They need to know they are not alone. They need to know you understand them; that you get them. When you are truly PRESENT, children feel secure. The world is comfortable and safe.
In order to pay close attention, you need to get your own “stuff” out of the way. If you are caught in your own emotional reactions, it can be difficult, if not impossible to see our children clearly. Mindfulness is a powerful tool that can help you get your own stuff out of the way so we can be present to our children.
Parents want what is the best interest of their children, but can get confused about what that REALLY means. The need for children to feel their parents’ attuned connect presence is often overlooked. Co-parents can be in conflict over many things, not realizing that the conflict itself distracts them from being present to their children. It is not unusual for co-parents to fight for time, but then not actually not be PRESENT when they are with their children. You can be with your children, without really being with them.
Attuned connected presence creates the basic foundation that allows children to develop into healthy, confident adults. Cultivating the ability to be attuned to our children is incredibly important and impactful.