Oh Hello Anxiety, I See You’re Here!

I know firsthand that anxiety is painful and often downright unbearable. We try to get rid of it by, well, trying to get rid of it. Sounds like a good plan, but unfortunately, it doesn’t work. Instead of trying to get rid of it, a much better approach can be to...
Co-parents: Why and How to Cultivate Joy

Co-parents: Why and How to Cultivate Joy

One of the components of my co-parenting class for parents in high conflict situations is “cultivating joy and positivity.” Because co-parents can experience a great deal of distress, consciously working at cultivating  joy and positivity is very important.  It is...

Anger and Co-Parenting: 10 Things to Know

Anger is present in all difficult divorced co-parenting situations. It can be the driving force that keeps people stuck in distress and unhappiness. Even though anger is intense and challenging, it does not have to control us.  Learn some basic things about it...
Holidays: Not Always Happy for Divorced Co-Parents

Holidays: Not Always Happy for Divorced Co-Parents

For divorced co-parents, holidays can be a set-up for distress. One day, two families- the math doesn’t work. You either split the day or you divvy up the years. In any case, divorced co-parents often wind up with a hole in their heart for part or all of the holiday....

Be Careful What You Wish For

(Based on a true story with names and  changed to protect privacy) Tim tells the story like this: His wife Sarah suddenly announced that she was no longer happy and wanted a divorce.  Totally blindsided, he felt his life turned upside down. He couldn’t imagine...

A Near Miss, Blame & Co-Parenting

My husband and I were driving through British Columbia recently on a narrow windy two lane road pulling a fifth wheel. We wound up behind an ancient-looking, worn out travel trailer going half the speed limit. Stuck behind him for quite some time, my husband was...

Managing Anger “Ask Alisa”

I have a question about anger in this process. Everyone in the system seems to say that I need to put it behind me, squash it, or hide it and work as amicably as possible with the other parent.  My therapist tells me I have every right to be angry and that it fuels me...

Be Careful What You Wish For

Tim tells the story like this: His wife Sarah suddenly announced that she was no longer happy and wanted a divorce.  Totally blindsided, he felt his life turned upside down. He couldn’t imagine divorcing and having his 10-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter go back...

Should My Son Call his Step-Mom “Mommy?”

Dear Alisa,  My ex recently was remarried. When my eight year old son Brandon came back from his last visit, he announced that his dad and step-mom told him that he should call his step-mom “Mommy.” Brandon happily announced: “I have two mommies now!” Alisa, I thought...