I took a hike in Cave Creek Canyon, an incredible entrance into the Chiricahua Mountains in Arizona. It is beautiful. Magical. Quiet. Every leaf on every tree is still. Perfectly.

A soft sound trickles into my consciousness. The distant peaceful running of water, making it’s way slowly down the hill. So peaceful, calming. But…

My peace is broken by thoughts of a recent encounter with “meanness“

A mean person has been interrupting my happiness lately. I am obsessed with the things this person has done. I hate the way the mean person marches into my mind and creates such a painful emotional state. Here I am in this lovely setting. This person isn’t physically here, and yet they have managed to push me into extreme distress.

I know that many people with mean co-parents can relate to what I am describing. It’s like you don’t have agency over your own life- like you are possessed.

I just want to be happy. If only people weren’t mean. If only I never had to be confronted by people that make me feel so bad. That would solve everything.

But meanness exists and I want to know how to stop it. We all have some meanness in us, but there are some people that are so mired in it, that it seems to become the purpose of their life.

What do you do about that? Fight back? Be mean back? When meanness is coupled with a determination to fight, engaging with the mean person gives them something to fight against. That’s what they want. The fighting is intoxicating somehow, addictive to the mean person. They know how to get you at every turn. They bait you into conversations you didn’t mean to have.

I notice my own meanness in response to this kind of meanness. I want to get back at them. I want to retaliate, to make the mean person suffer.

But I know that staying mad and fighting back just keeps me mired in my obsessive anger. Fighting back keeps the mean person prominent in my mind and doesn’t make anything better. You know that phrase “letting someone live in your head rent-free”? Do you let your mean co-parent live rent free in your head? Clearly I had been doing that with this person. But…

Something happened unexpectedly, a simple interaction that woke me up

It was a day when I was grumpy, grouchy, irritable, tired about the mean person. I went on a long ride to try to clear my mind and figure out how to get this person out of my head. I pulled into a gas station and I went in to use the facilities. The gas station clerk, a woman named Nikki it turns out, caught my eye. She said hello and smiled so very sweetly at me. 

Even though she is stranger, I felt love coming through her smile. It warmed and comforted me. Her smile pulled me out of my grumpiness, changed my mood, got me to stop thinking about the mean person. Such a small thing, but it was huge. I wanted to say something to her when I was leaving, thank her for the smile or something, but I got shy. Then I got brave. This feels important, I thought.

“I have something I want to tell you” I said. “Ok” she said quizzically. I went on. “I had a rough day. I mean not tragically rough, but one of those rough days. When I came in and you smiled at me, it helped me. It made me feel better. Keep smiling and keep being kind. It makes a difference.” Her smile returned, only bigger and brighter this time. 

Love and kindness are the antidote to meanness. I know that word “antidote” but I looked it up to be sure. It means: “a medicine taken or given to counteract a particular poison.” Love is the medicine for counteracting meanness.

Now it may be impossible to be kind to your mean co-parent. You might have to set boundaries with them to protect yourself from being sucked into their black hole of hate. You might have to ignore them to keep yourself sane. But you can be kind to everyone else.

You can especially be kind to your children. Love love love on them. Every time you feel upset about your mean co-parent, turn toward loving your children. Be kind to everyone that comes in your path. Notice all the people that smile at you and are kind to you.

You aren’t going to change your mean co-parent. You aren’t. Give up that idea. But you can change yourself. Don’t let their meanness and hate live in you. Turn toward love to get yourself out of you distress.

Love and kindness is the medicine. Turn toward love. Create a loving atmosphere for your children no matter how mean your co-parent is. If you let yourself focus on the meanness, they win. If you keep talking to everyone about how terrible your co-parent is, they win. You are letting them invade your mind and take power over you. You are letting the mean energy live in you, in your home and impact your children. Don’t let them do that to you.

Have you heard about Walk for Peace?

It is 2,300-mile pilgrimage by a group of Buddhist monks and their dog, Aloka. They are walking from Fort Worth, Texas, to Washington, D.C., to spread messages of loving-kindness, compassion, and unity across America. They have been inspiring and touching so many people.

I have been following them on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/walkforpeaceusa. Here is what they posted on January 4, 2026:

“Some people may doubt that our walk can bring peace to the world—and we understand that doubt completely. But everything that has ever mattered began with something impossibly small. A single seed. A first mindful breath. A quiet decision to take one step, then another.

Our walking itself cannot create peace. But when someone encounters us—whether by the roadside, online, or through a friend—when our message touches something deep within them, when it awakens the peace that has always lived quietly in their own heart—something sacred begins to unfold.

That person carries something forward they didn’t have before, or perhaps something they had forgotten was there. They become more mindful in their daily life—more present with each breath, more aware of each moment. They speak a little more gently to their child. They listen more patiently to their partner. They extend kindness to a stranger who needed it desperately.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

And that stranger, touched by unexpected compassion, carries it forward to someone else. And it continues—ripple by ripple, heart by heart, moment by moment—spreading outward in ways none of us will ever fully witness, creating more peace in the world than we could possibly measure.

This is our contribution—not to force peace upon the world, but to help nurture it, one awakened heart at a time. Not the Walk for Peace alone can do this, but all of us together—everyone who has been walking with us in spirit, everyone who feels something stir within them when they encounter this journey, everyone who decides that cultivating peace within themselves matters.

One step becomes two. Two become a thousand. A thousand become countless. And slowly, gently, persistently—not through grand gestures but through ten thousand small acts of love—we can help make the world more peaceful.

This is our hope. This is our offering. This is why we walk.”

Our small acts of kindness make a big difference. Nikki smiling at me made a difference. The love that came through her smile ripples out. We can all walk through our lives with love and kindness. Nobody can take that away from us. It is the medicine we need. It is the medicine our children need us to carry.

May you be happy, peaceful and free of suffering. Sending love.