I am sitting in my bed at 5:20AM drinking my second cup of coffee. I have been up since before 4:00. I went to bed to 8:00.
I am in Pensacola, Florida, at Big Lagoon State Park. We arrived here two days ago after a not-so-long, but stressful ride from Port St. Joe’s where we had been for 10 days. The time in Port St. Joe’s was good but moving along was good too.
My friends and I were grumpy when we pulled into to Big Lagoon. The campground felt inhospitable. It was cloudy and drizzly. The campsites are wonky; oddly shaped, not level, hard to get into. The roadway to the sites are narrow. When we pulled in, I was in front of Christine and Kimberly. Their sites were beyond mine, so they had to wait while I backed the camper in. It was difficult and I couldn’t get it right. There were other vehicles behind my friends waiting to get through. I was holding everyone up. I was trying to be calm, knowing that people were waiting, but it was hard. I finally gave up and circled around to let people get to their sites.
When I got back to the site, without people waiting, I was able to think about what to do, and found a better trajectory for backing in. Christine came over and gave me some guidance, and I was in. Phew.
Years ago, when I opened Live Oak Center for Psychotherapy and Education in California, one of my brothers came to help Bob and I paint and decorate the new space. My brother was ribbing Bob about how when he was trying to work out a problem, he would stare at it for a long time. I thought it was kind of funny too, but on this trip, I find myself staring at problems like Bob did. Like when I was trying to back the trailer in. I stared at the site and the road and the obstacles until I saw a different solution. Give it some time and space and the answer comes.
There are so many things that I am learning to value about Bob that I thought were funny or irritating when he was here.
It turned out that my site was level, but my friends’ sites were not. When a campsite isn’t level, it is work to get it level. You use leveling blocks under the tires so you’re not living in a lopsided little home (and so your refrigerator works correctly, which is a whole different story.) Kimberly helped me, taught me how to level my rig when we pulled into the park in St. Joe’s. Leveling always seemed mysterious to me and somehow undoable, so I shied away from learning how to do it when Bob was here. Kimberly’s lesson took the mystery out of it. Every time I learn something, especially something that I had avoided learning before, I feel elated.
I have noticed that when we get into these unpleasant situations, my traveling friends just persevere. They might gripe for a bit, but they put one foot in front of the other. I know that might not seem like a big deal, but it is a big deal for me. When Bob and I traveled, if things got too hard, he stepped in and figured stuff out. I relied on that. I hope that I am starting to absorb some of my friends’ confidence and grit.
The campground was a different campground in the morning. The sun was shining and the sky was completely clear. After doing laundry at a local laundromat (where Debbie and I were seriously awed by the enormous washers and dryers), going to Walmart for a few things (where Debbie introduced me to the RV aisle with many enticing items), seeing a few clients virtually, we took a long walk. The beauty of the park, the setting sun and the rising full moon reminded me that what seems gloomy and dark, can transform miraculously in the blink of an eye.
One Response
Alisa Holleron you a wise woman who I love and admire. Your writing draws me in as if I were walking beside you. I hope your days on the road are filled with kindness and adventure with friends and strangers. Miss you Dear Friend, 😘