You started out with good intentions. You partnered with someone. You decided to walk the path of parenthood, and you intended for it all to be good and right.
And then things fell apart. You didn’t know how to fix it or you recognized that it wasn’t fixable.
And then suddenly you found yourself in a place you never thought you’d be with an enemy that was once a person you loved.
Now you feel powerless to this person and feel worried about your children. You wonder how you got here. You get lost in the swirling emotions; terror, fear, anger, sadness, frustration, rage, hate. You feel like you can’t get out and you don’t know what to do to make it better.
You CAN stay stuck in this place of powerlessness, BUT YOU WON’T. You won’t because you ARE A HERO; the kind of hero that will salvage your own life and nourish the life of your children. You won’t be content to stay stuck and be a victim. You will find freedom and you will find contentment.
Is it too dramatic to say you can be a hero? NO, honestly and truthfully, NO, it is not too dramatic. You have walked into a dark territory that is not unlike the places heroes in mythical stories find themselves. You feel as though your world has fallen apart, you can’t find your way. You fear for your life and the lives of your children, perhaps not in a real way, but certainly in a qualitative way. You fear that the quality or your life and your children’s life are at risk of not being what you know they can be. Saving lives is heroic.
Heroes become heroes because they have the courage to look at things differently. They know that the outside world changes because of the changes they make in their attitude and their approach to life. Heroes make a commitment to keep on their path, to learn new ways, to be willing to fail and pick themselves up and keep trying. Heroes seek out people who can guide them in positive, healthy and productive ways and avoid people who help them stay stuck.
You’ve mistaken your co-parent for a person that has power over you. When you step into being the hero that you are, you will discover that you are fighting the wrong battle. Your co-parent does not have power over you. You have power, no matter what your co-parent does.
The hero refuses to allow other people to zap their precious energy, and instead they invest their energy into being wise and attentive parents. The hero in you turns squarely toward cultivating a strong connected meaningful relationship in the time and space you are with your children.
The hero learns how to master emotions that, if allowed free reign, propel you into action that is self-defeating and takes your power away. The hero in you lets go of what you can’t control and focuses wisely, powerfully, squarely on what you can control.
The hero knows that you have the capacity to cultivate joy and positivity in your life, and that cultivating that joy and positivity will change your life and your children’s life.
Do not despair! The hero is rising up in you! You have what it takes. Stop doing the same things that don’t work over and over again. Make the commitment. Seek out the knowledge and help you need. You have the courage, you have the desire, you have the will, you have the smarts. Be the hero that you have it in you to be.